When Life Blows Up…Start Here

A back stage pass to “what I know now, that I wish I knew then”: the literal unchanging goodness of God.

Everyone reading this has experienced pain in life. Sometimes, multiple difficult sources of pain at once.

It can feel overwhelming. And disorienting. Can you relate to this?

Having been through such a season, am sharing personal lessons learned, below. In hopes that you get through this time as quickly as possible, with optimism.

Here’s what I know now, that I wish I knew THEN:

1.  Unpack the disappointment.

Well, this is fairly self-explanatory. Some of us may be better at this than others. The point is, if we’re going through – or just went through – a very trying time, we must have some “space” to process it.

So cry. Share with a friend or safe person. Journal out your questions, pain, anger, grief, whatever. Go running. Purge your house. Go on vaca. Be real.

Then forgive. Forgive whoever may have hurt you. Forgive your family, government, boss, spouse, friends, parents, neighbors, kids, acquaintances, etc. Forgive everyone. Forgive yourself. 

And last, but not least…forgive God. You may say, “Well, that sounds wrong. I would never hold a grudge against God.” But, the raw truth is sometimes it’s easy to do that. Even without realizing it.

2.  Marinate in the truth of God’s goodness.

Start there.

If you feel skeptical, that’s OK.  Read on.

I grew up mostly in the South. It was an awesome blessing: lovely people, chivalrous men (my experience), family gatherings, amazing food/homemade recipes, gorgeous weather, and so on.

I’m not entirely sure why, but I don’t remember anyone in life ever sitting me down and straightforwardly saying, “God is 100% pure and good. That is your anchor in life.” Am not blaming anyone. Let’s just chalk it up to my own spiritual blindness.

I did know that Jesus died for my sins and the sins of the whole world. I’m grateful for that truth, of course. And for Christian mentors and elder family members who shared this.

I’d read the Bible and attended church for decades. Had heard probably thousands of church sermons focused (primarily) on man’s sins. I myself had a generous dose of the “fear” of God.

But not a trust in His goodness.

I had read the Bible to learn, for comfort, to be corrected, to connect with God out of respect, etc. etc. But when the chips were down, to be honest, I trusted my parents – and others whom I knew loved me – more than I trusted God. Have you ever felt this way?

It did not bear good fruit in me. My relationship with God was respectful and dutiful. But there was no calm foundational trust in His kindness, goodness, and patience. Not the type of trust a toddler has who runs to their safe mom or dad.

So...In my opinion, for greater peace, start FIRST with reading about, learning about who God really is.  Talk to Him.  Try as you’re able to believe, trust, rest, and rejoice in the goodness of God.

Start there. Camp there. Let that truth soak into your bone marrow.

(If you sin or make a mistake, the Holy Spirit will let you know; but also mercifully empower you to avoid it next time.)

But the main point is this: If you feel like your life has “blown up,” anchor yourself in the goodness of God. Start THERE as an immutable truth. It will carry you through.

3.  Bank your hope in HIS love for YOU. Not your performance, per se.

This is a corollary to #2, above.

Yes, it’s good to do the right thing. To treat others well. To seek after God. To obey the leading of the Holy Spirit. To read the Bible. To do kind acts of service. To give to the poor and into His Kingdom. To serve at church or a ministry. It’s noble and right to do good deeds and obey the Lord.

But…it’s not wise to put our hope in our own performance. Because we, ourselves, can run out of gas.

This is especially true if we ever feel crushed by life circumstances.

• What if we feel that we, ourselves, have nothing to give?
• If we feel drained, brokenhearted, numb, exhausted?
• Or we’re struggling with bitterness? Severe disappointment?

What then?

We do our best. And then put our hope in Him carrying us. We are not the power source.

“He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart…” Isaiah 40:11 NLT

You are His lamb. And He’s a good dad.  xoxo

4.  Avoid the tempting trap of blaming God.

This is also a corollary to #2, above.

Once we marinate long enough to believe that God is 100% good – or at least make headway – we’ll stop blaming God for bad things that have happened:

• In our own lives
• In the lives of those we love
• And in the lives of those in the Bible.

To be fair, we must always look at the context.

• Did God Himself "cause” something bad?
• Man’s free will is also a factor…
• Did someone listen to the enemy? Or succumb to their own weakness? And then their evil decision or action wreaked havoc?

If we’re not sure God is good, it’s easy to become double-minded. And then trusting God can go out the window in a time of stress.

But even if we’re still tempted to blame God, He is big enough to handle whatever we may feel or say to Him. And He’s patient and faithful to keep relaying His real character. Reading the Bible for ourselves grounds us in His true nature.

Bottom line: for me, slamming the door to blaming God – deciding never to “go there” – has ushered in tremendous peace.

5.  Accept that life has seasons.

Some losses in life change our landscape for years – or even for the rest of our time on earth.

For those circumstances, there’s no cute way to “reframe” it. Or sugarcoat it. Clichés don’t work. In fact, minimizing the difficulty of those types of circumstances only feels worse.

Sometimes you just may not feel like turning the page to a new life season.

Let’s just say that I wasn’t the speediest to glean that life has seasons. I’m the one who cried all six hours on my drive home from college. Because I loved it so much.

And ditto if I changed jobs. Life transitions were bittersweet for me. Tears were often involved.  ;)

Something changed when my last grandmother passed away. It was such a loss I could hardly bear it. Because we were so close. If you’ve lost a close family member, you know what I mean.

The Lord must have supernaturally downloaded “coping” grace. Once I accepted that she was in heaven and beyond blessed, a peace settled. I stopped grieving. Because I knew it was just a temporary separation. (Thank you, Jesus.)

And with that coping grace came a more mature appreciation for the fact that “life has seasons.”

• If I ever try and hang on too long or “re-create” a prior season, things don’t flow well.
• But when I accept a new season or even look forward to it, I stay in peace and usually also in joy.

Life has seasons.  :)